


when i meet you after time passes

by beneathyourbravery



Series: my i [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, First Love, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-06-21 19:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15565014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beneathyourbravery/pseuds/beneathyourbravery
Summary: Minghao does not remember meeting Junhui.Title from My I by Seventeen (Jun and Minghao).





	1. Chapter 1

Minghao doesn’t remember meeting Junhui.

His memories of the other boy first start when he was around seven years old, and they smell of sea salt and sunscreen. He and Jun are laying down on the sand, water dripping from their dark hair, and a now ruined sandcastle reverberates with the sound of their loud laughter right as a surprisingly big wave retracts itself from the shore. Their mothers walk towards them in a rush to check if the sudden ripple has, somehow, injured their kids; and they end up smiling as they watch them curl up on the wet sand, laughter spilling from their lips when Minghao’s mum immortalises the moment with her camera. 

Minghao is ten years old when he asks his mother about it. He is holding the beach picture in his hand, staring at the handwritten words on its reverse — “Xu Minghao (7) and Wen Junhui (9), summer 2004” —, when the question escapes his mouth. 

“Mum, how did I and Jun meet? I can’t remember for some reason.” 

And so his mother eases him on her lap, pets his hair and tells him, with a wide smile, that he cannot possibly remember; after all, Minghao was eight months old when it happened. 

She tells him that it was just like any other summer, and as far as Minghao could remember, all his summers had been spent at the same little island at the south of South Korea. He had been born in November the previous year, and it was the first time they were taking him to the beach, his parents finally daring to take him with them on the flight from China to their usual summer destination.

And there, during his first summer ever, a two-year-old Wen Junhui had approached him when his parents were playing with him on the sand. According to Minghao’s mum, Jun must have fallen in love with her baby that morning, since from that day on, every time their families crossed each other when walking around the island, little Junhui would talk to Minghao and insist on pushing him around when he sat on his stroller. 

Minghao understands that it makes sense for him not to remember meeting Junhui; after all, he was too young. 

When he lays down on his bed that night, with the already not-so-cold April air that blows in his hometown entering through the open window of his room, Minghao wonders if being too young is the reason why he also can’t remember when he fell in love with Junhui.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years old is way too young to know what being in love feels like.

Minghao is nine years old when he first blushes at the thought of Junhui.

It happens during a normal morning, no different from any of the others he has spent at the apartment complex where he and his family go for their summer vacation every year. Minghao is neck-deep inside the cold water of the community’s pool, with Lee Seokmin clinging to his bony shoulders from the back, when his friend pops a question he has never really thought of before.

“Out of everyone here, who do you like the most?” Seokmin asks, a playful smile on his lips as he lets go of Minghao to hold himself up by a grip on the bar of the pool’s stairway.

The Chinese boy stays quiet after hearing the words, as he usually does when someone asks him a direct question, not wanting to embarrass himself by giving a wrong answer in a language that is not his mother tongue. He doesn’t really understand what Seokmin expects him to say; after all, he is too young to be thinking about dating and love. However, Minghao does not need to think much about his reply this time; the answer escaping his lips without barely giving him a chance to stop it.

“Junhui.” He says softly, pushing his wet bangs away from his eyes as he looks over at Seokmin while, for some reason that escapes his knowledge, his cheeks heat up with an unfamiliar warmth. The response seems obvious; after all, who else would he say? For Minghao, there has never been anyone else. Junhui is the person he admires the most, the one he misses the most during winter, the one he always wants to spend time with, and so of course he is the one he likes the most, even if he has no idea what the question tone really implies.

Apparently, it is obvious for Seokmin too, a knowing smile adorning his lips as he nods his head to let Minghao know that he’s got his answer.

“It’s Soonyoung for me.” Seokmin says back, and his cheeks light up with a soft pinkish colour in a simulation of what previously happened to the other kid.

Minghao nods back at him, not surprised at all by his answer. Soonyoung and Seokmin were always playing together, even if there was a small age difference between the both of them. They would meet during the year as well, their families close to each other, and so, to Minghao, it makes sense for Seokmin to say that.

With flushed cheeks and understanding glances, both kids swear to never let anyone know about what they just said. Minghao trusts Seokmin with his life; after all, they have known each other ever since he can remember, and while they don’t keep in touch during the winter months, every year when summer arrives they become the closest of friends once again.

So, after they both fall into a comfortable silence once again, Minghao allows himself to forget about the conversation and go on with his daily holiday activities, which entail, among other things, trying to playfully drown Chan — Soonyoung’s younger brother — with Seokmin’s help, laughter spilling from their lips once again, while the older boys —Jun and Soonyoung— wait for them to exit the pool so they all can play cards together.

 

Ten years old is way too young to know what being in love feels like. However, when Minghao thinks about it, he is unable to find any other explanation as to why his heart pounds so hard inside his chest whenever he thinks about seeing Wen Junhui’s smile again when summer starts.

 

Summer comes and goes again before Minghao finds himself sitting on the plane with his family on their way to the island. He is now twelve years old, and as always, his body is tingly with the usual nerves that seeing his friends again after a whole year cause him. His mum chastises him for it, says he has nothing to worry about. When they arrive, Jun and Seokmin are already playing together at the pool, and surely they won’t treat him any differently than how they have always done. Minghao will always be the same for them, just as they will always be the same for him. And if that thought makes him a little sad — after spending countless nights thinking innocently about how nice it would feel to hold Junhui’s hand and kiss his lips and maybe even getting to marry him —, Minghao says nothing, puts on one of his swimming trunks, and goes down to the pool to greet his friends once again.

As summer goes by, Minghao notices how they all have grown up. Junhui is fourteen now, just as Soonyoung, and he and Seokmin are twelve while their youngest, Chan, is still eleven. They still play cards together at the pool, play soccer on the sand at the beach and stay together playing on their Nintendo DS’s until their parents force them to go back home and sleep at night. However, the topic of love seems to have gained importance among the playful conversations they have while they sit together and talk by the pool.

Apparently, it is obvious to everyone that Minghao likes Junhui, even if the younger kid has never said anything about it to anyone but Seokmin; and so, Soonyoung and Chan playfully tease him about it, even when Jun is with them. It makes Minghao’s cheeks light up with flames that make his skin go an angry shade of red, and he looks anywhere but at his friends’ faces when he actively denies it. Junhui doesn’t seem to mind, though. He just laughs and playfully says that they both will get married one day, and that Soonyoung will regret trying to make Minghao feel bad about it when they don’t invite him to their wedding.

Minghao thinks he’s subtle when he insists on holding Junhui’s hand when they play a game that consists on running around their apartment complex together at night. Believes that the way he always sits next to Junhui and cuddles into his side when they all watch a movie at the summer cinema goes unnoticed, and hopes that the other chinese boy doesn’t think of it as anything more than a simple friendly interaction similar to the ones they’ve been having all their lives. Jun never says anything, just smiles and holds him closer; and even though Minghao feels his bones melt to a puddle with content, the urge to press an innocent kiss to the corner of Junhui’s lips invading his senses and clouding his mind, he’s not silly enough to do anything that could potentially harm their friendship. He swears he will never do that.

Seokmin watches them, although he says nothing out loud. After all, he knows very well that Minghao would never tell anyone about all the times he’s caught him sneaking out with Soonyoung to the beach at night, coming back with swollen lips from kissing Chan’s brother, actions surrounded by an innocence that they would soon learn to miss.

  
Minghao is fifteen when he understands how madly in love with Junhui he is. It happens one night, when they’re all laying together on the beach watching a eclipse, the moonlight reflecting on Jun’s sharp features. Seokmin is snuggled into his side, his hand sneakily holding Soonyoung without Chan noticing it; and Junhui is on Minghao’s other side, his smile oh-so-beautiful as he stares up at the stars that light up the night sky.

“Isn’t the view beautiful, Hao?” Jun asks, voice soft and almost inaudible, the question unmistakably meant only for him to hear.

 _It has nothing on you_ , Minghao thinks, but he settles on just moving his arm against Junhui’s, his hand itching to hold the older’s, as he replies with a soft “yeah, it truly is”.

  
Fifteen years old is way too young to know if something is going to last forever. However, when he stares at Junhui again, his whole being a thousand times more ethereal than the moon itself, Minghao knows that he will never love anyone as much as he loves him; that he will never find a person he will cherish as much as he cherishes the older boy; that nobody’s beauty will ever compare to his.

Sadly, he also knows that he will never let Junhui find out about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this fic is kinda based off my personal experience and writing it helps me feel so much better, and I hope everyone can enjoy it! 
> 
> If you wanna say anything, please hit me up at @peekatom on twitter !


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At almost eighteen years old, Minghao is sure that Wen Junhui is the absolute love of his life.

On the year he is to turn sixteen, right after summer ends, Minghao and his family move from their hometown.

He has known they would be moving for quite a long time, but still, as summer goes by and the moment approaches, he can’t help but feel anxiousness creeping into his chest and stopping him from sleeping at night. Minghao has never thought about living anywhere that is not his town. He has never thought about leaving his friends, his cousins, his place, and yet there is nothing he can do to stop it. It’s not even that far away from home, but his dad has been offered a good position in a bigger city where there are ‘more chances’ for all of them, and so there’s no choice left for them but to pack their suitcases and go.

Coincidence or not, the city they are moving to is also where Wen Junhui lives during the majority of the year. He spends that summer at the island, as he has always done, and Jun promises Minghao a thousand times that he doesn’t need to worry about a thing. They make plans about meeting up during the winter – something they have never got to do, unlike Seokmin, Chan and Soonyoung –, and if it makes Minghao’s cheeks tint warm, Junhui doesn’t mention it.

Even after time passes and they slowly grow older, Minghao finds it impossible to stop loving Junhui with his whole entire heart. He is now entering the second half of his teenage years, and despite becoming more mature, he doesn’t have it in himself to stop wanting the boy that he has liked since even before he can remember. His group of friends seems to have interiorised the fact that he likes Junhui, and Minghao is sure that Jun himself knows too. Still, every time someone hints or makes a joke about it, Minghao denies, blushes, and waits for Seokmin to defend him.

Seokmin and Soonyoung, who is now 17, are secretly dating after years of endless kissing and flirting. They don’t want their parents or Chan to find out, afraid of what they could possibly think about their sons being gay and together, and so Minghao and Jun find themselves being the only ones who know about it. They don’t talk about it much, though, as Minghao fears that Junhui would notice just how much he wishes it was them who were dating instead. Also, Seokmin relies totally on him to tell him about the details and issues of the relationship, and Minghao would hate himself if he broke his trust by accidentally spilling something to Jun.

Summer comes to an end and Minghao moves to the city. He attends classes as he did in his hometown, meets some nice people at school who quickly become his friends, and not once does he get a message from Junhui proposing him to meet up. He doesn’t think about it much, absorbed by his schoolwork and his new friends; but sometimes, when he lays awake at night only with the company of his thoughts – it’s been long since he ditched his plushies –, Minghao wonders if he will ever be allowed a chance with Jun, and hopes next summer will be better for him.

 

And so summer comes again, as it always does. However, this time Minghao – who is about to turn seventeen and has started to struggle with anxiety problems due to the stress school is putting him through – sits on the plane with a creeping sense of disappointment. His mum told him a few weeks ago that Junhui’s mother had called to tell her that they wouldn’t be going to the island for holidays that year, as they had some familiar compromises to attend. Minghao had just shrugged at the news, not wanting to let his mother know just how much he had been longing to spend time with Jun, laying on the sand and maybe forgetting about the sadness that seemed to have become inherent to his existence. He had told himself that he still had Seokmin, Chan and Soonyoung, and that summer would go by so quickly that he would not have time to miss Junhui.

It is only now, sitting on the balcony alone as he watches the sun setting behind the sea for yet another day, that Minghao realizes how wrong he had been. He misses Junhui with everything he has. He misses the mornings they both used to spend together at the pool while the rest of their friends slept, talking about nothing and everything and playfully drowning each other. He misses the afternoons playing cards and football at the beach, and splashing each other with cold seawater when they had to clean up the sand clinging to their skin. And he misses the nights eating ice cream sitting close to the lighthouse not that far from their houses after playing _Pokemon Go_  for hours, when Minghao’s chest would flutter at their proximity and he would struggle to stop himself from stuttering when they spoke. Junhui has always been the only one able of making Minghao feel so many intense things by merely being beside him. If he’s honest, the younger doesn’t think there will ever be anyone else for him. He cannot picture himself laughing so wholeheartedly at the jokes that anyone that is not Jun makes, cannot believe that his heart is capable of skipping beats over someone who doesn’t hold the stars in his eyes the way Junhui’s do.

On top of everything, his group of friends seems to have been ruined as well. Seokmin and Soonyoung don’t even look to each other, and Minghao only understands it when Seokmin explains how the fear they both had while dating derived into behaviours so toxic that they had ended up blocking each other numbers and refusing to meet again. As much as Seokmin tries to make himself believe Chan is still oblivious to what’s going on between him and his brother, Minghao can see how the youngest deflates every time they make a plan and one of them refuses to come, and every time, too, the Chinese boy wishes he could, somehow, turn time back to when they were still kids who didn’t even know what the word _love_  entailed.

When Minghao returns to his city for the beginning of the school year, his heart aches just a little more than it should. On his first night at home he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and tells himself that he needs to focus on his last year of high school instead of longing for a love that he knows will never be his.

 

  
The following summer feels like a dream to Minghao.

He is about to turn eighteen years old, and starting university in September. He did well in high school and, after lots of work, he was offered a grant to study abroad in South Korea. His parents knew as well as him just how many opportunities that grant opened for him, and so the day before leaving for the island, Minghao signs up for an art and photography major in Seoul. He is scared about leaving home, his parents and his friends. Ever since he moved from his hometown, he has been struggling with a deep feeling of sadness that doesn’t seem to go away and anxiety. He hopes that moving away and starting over by himself is the first step towards getting better.

When Minghao and his family arrive to their apartment at the island, the first thing he hears when he opens the balcony is the beautiful sound of Junhui’s laughter as he plays with Seokmin in the pool water. A smile so wide that it hurts  tugs at the corners of his lips, and he pretends that there aren’t happy tears clinging to his eyelashes as he rushes to the bathroom to change into his swimming trunks, repressing any and all thoughts about just how much he had missed Jun. As he stares at himself in the mirror, Minghao can’t help but be reminded of all the times he had stood there, trying to come up with a way of looking better so that he could, somehow, attract Jun’s attention. At almost eighteen, Minghao knows he looks better than he ever has. His hair, now dyed blonde, falls over his forehead, and he smiles at his reflection. He doesn’t know if he will ever be able to make Jun like him, but what he does know is that he is going to enjoy every single second he gets to spend with the older, as he always has.

 

As days go by, Minghao notices just how things seem to have changed from previous summers. He and Junhui grow much closer than they have ever been, and while Minghao appreciates the closeness for what it is, he knows something is different. He tries to stop himself from making up stories in his head, knowing that getting his hopes up will only lead to more pain once he finds out he has been wrong all along. However, after a couple of weeks he keeps finding it impossible to deny what is happening.

Junhui is flirting with him. Openly, blatantly _flirting_  with him. He notices it at the overly loving touches, the more-than-usual kind words, and overall, at the glint that appears in Jun’s eyes when the talk.

They spend everyday together, from morning to night, and when they are not, they are always texting each other. And even though he knows he is being stupid for believing that he has a chance, Minghao can’t help but let himself be swallowed by the happiness it causes him. He reads over and over again the texts sent by Jun, where he calls him pretty and says he is the most interesting person he has ever met. The memories they both make when walking together down the beach, hands brushing but never quite holding, burn in the back of Minghao’s eyes when he tries to sleep at night, filling his chest with a deep feeling of content that he fears to lose. It’s been so long since he started wishing for Junhui to like him back, and now that he thinks, _is almost sure_  that it’s happening, he finds himself wanting more. Wanting everything.

Seokmin sees what’s going on, too. He isn’t blind, and when he and Minghao go alone to the beach at night to watch yet another eclipse, they both talk about their concerns under the dim light of the summer stars. The situation reminds them of the old times, when the five of them would spend hours laying on the sand and watching the sky in search of shooting stars, and sad smiles tug at their lips. Seokmin and Soonyoung are not okay, and Minghao can see just how it is taking a toll on the younger, whose smile fails to shine as bright as it used to. Some days, Seokmin shows up at Minghao’s apartment with teary eyes and a story to tell about how he cannot stop himself from going back to Soonyoung, no matter how badly he gets hurt every single time. Minghao always tries not to stare too much at the hickeys showing from underneath the collar of Seokmin’s t-shirt, and gives him useless advice yet once again. He misses how innocent things used to be between them. It is only now that Minghao realizes just how they all took for granted the innocence that surrounded them when they were younger, and wishes he could stop his friends from hurting themselves. He seems to always be hoping for things that will never come.

 

Minghao takes a moment to look around himself before taking a swig from the wine bottle he is holding in his right hand. Seokmin is nowhere to be found, refusing to come with him to talk to Soonyoung, Chan and Junhui, who are standing in a circle with one of their older friends called Wonwoo. It’s the middle of the summer, and that night there is a kind-of party at the beach all young people are attending. While still not legal to drink by a couple of months, Minghao is there, and as it has become usual, he is stuck to Junhui’s side for the majority of the night. It’s nice, he thinks, talking to people while feeling the older so close to him. Feels intimate, just how everything else seems to be between them nowadays.

“Are those two dating now or what?” Wonwoo chuckles somewhere beside them. Minghao is way too occupied with their own conversation to care about what the other say. Still, he wonders if it is what it looks like to everyone else. Do he and Jun really seem like a couple, or is it just another joke?

Minghao is a little tipsy, enough for him to be sufficiently confident to talk to Jun in a playful, teasing tone, their smiles too close to each other as they chat. And it would be so easy, Minghao thinks, to just close the gap between them and press their lips together in a kiss he has been yearning for years. He doesn’t know much about kissing, has never really kissed anyone, and yet it is the only thing he seems capable of thinking about when Wen Junhui is around him.

His heart almost leaps out of his chest when Jun’s hand cups his jaw, staring into his eyes for a moment that seems to drag on forever. Minghao doesn’t notice the way his hands are shaking, and he feels paralysed, not able to do anything but stand there as the older boy wraps his arms around his shoulders and envelops him in a tight yet careful hug.

“I wish you weren’t leaving, Hao.” Jun whispers into his ear, and confusion creeps into Minghao’s brain.

“But I’m here.” He mumbles, simply, and the sad sigh that leaves Jun’s lips is enough for him to understand what it all is about.

When they pull back from the hug, Minghao sees the fear and the sadness that he never thought he would see in Junhui’s eyes. He sees them reflecting a sense of longing, and simply understands. After all, it seems like they are the living proof of the fact that it truly is possible to miss something – _someone_ – you’ve never had.

Minghao goes home with Seokmin not much after that, and doesn’t have it in himself to hide the disappointment he feels when his friend, staring at a text message, says he will wait outside for Soonyoung.

 

The following day, Minghao acts as if nothing had happened, and blames it on the hangover if he fails to smile at a joke any of the guys tell. Junhui doesn’t bring anything up again, either, and so they both continue spending everyday together, except now it is clearly much friendlier than it used to be.

Minghao’s heart aches for days. He knows he could’ve said something to Junhui, could’ve told him that he was madly, utterly in love with him, that he would try his best for them. But he didn’t, he doesn’t, and he won’t. Now he knows he could’ve had Junhui. Knows he could’ve had it all, could’ve been happy with him after a lifetime of loving him. Knows that the only thing stopping it from happening is fear, a fear caused by his choice of moving to Seoul. And Minghao wishes he was brave enough to face that fear, and maybe try to carry Jun through it. Wishes he had it in himself to act out on his feelings, to fight for what he really wants. Wishes he could stop being just another friend for Jun.

He seems to wish for many impossible things these days.

 

  
At almost eighteen years old, Xu Minghao is sure that Wen Junhui is the absolute love of his life. Sitting in the plane, on his way back home to pack his stuff and get ready for the start of his new life, he wonders if he will ever be able to come to terms with the fact that they will never be meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sosososo much to everyone that’s taken the time of their day to read this fic!!!!! it makes me so happy that even just one person read it so really, to all of you who did, THANK YOU!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while sitting on the beach this afternoon, tell me if it sucks at @peekatom on Twitter!


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